All the Sheeple…. so many sheeple…..

09 Sep

Officer:“Name and Date of Birth Sir!”

Sheep: “Stewart Lamb but you can call me Stew. As for my date of birth, I have no fcuking clue!”

Officer: “What do you mean no clue?”

Sheep: “Considering I had just slipped out of my mother’s fallopian tubes I was a bit young to remember! Do you accept heresay? I’ll call my mother and ask!”

Officer: “What date is on your birth certificate Mr Lamb?”

Sheep: “Wtf? I’m a sheep ffs! I don’t HAVE a birth certificate!…… Oh and don’t call me Mr!”

Officer: ” See Ewe Jimmy! Are you trying to be funny?”

Sheep: ” Oh good pun there Officer! My name isn’t Jimmy. I just told you it’s Stew!”

Officer (on radio): “Oscar two zero….. we have another one of these “freesheep” by the name of Stew. No ID and says he has no birth certificate!”

Station officer: “Oh christ! These “freesheep” are breeding like bloody rabbits! Well look, there’s nothing we can do Officer Dumbfcuk! No birth certificate then he’s a legal non sheep! He doesn’t exist legally so the state confers no benefits upon him therefore we can’t exactly justify holding him responsible for statutes now can we?”

Officer: “Shit! Nothing worse than being unable to give a sheep a good fcuking (not in the biblical sense I may add!). It’s SHEER agony!”

Sheep: “Don’t shear me bro!”………”Arghh!!!! You tasered me PC Dumbfcuk!”

Officer: “On your way Mr Lamb! Just don’t go causing any harm, injury or loss and we’ll be cool”

Sheep: “Look Officer for the last fcuking time. Don’t call me Mister! I’m Stewart of the family lamb! And by the way, I’m gonna sue YOUR ass for injury! I’m a member of the BAAH you know and have friends in high places. Nest time you taser a fcuking sheep for jaywalking on the motorway you’ll regret it.”

Officer: “Ah ok Stewart of the family Lamb. Will an apology do?”

Sheep: “When was the last time a sheep was in the courtroom, apologised and got away with it? It’s all about money with you pricks. And I don’t have a Ewe-ro to my name! Nah mate, we sheep need to start screwing you for cash the way you screw us so see you in court! What do you think of that officer? ….. Oh yeah I forgot. You HAVE no opinion! That uniform effectively lobotomizes you! Capacity huh? Ain’t it a bugger! I wonder what WPCs say when their boyfriends ask them if it was good for them? I guess it’s ‘I have no opinion!’ right? So used to being ON duty they forget when they’re OFF duty!”



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