Private Conveyance Notice

They don’t like it up ‘um.
This is quite nice (though the penalties are way too low).

Many thanks to: http://universallyaware.ning.com/photo/discharge-notice-uk-common-law?context=featured

My text:

DISCHARGE NOTICE

U.K. Common Law Jurisdiction

PRIVATE PROPERTY – NOT FOR HIRE – EXEMPT FROM LEVY

NOTICE:

Any person/persons including, but NOT limited to:

• ‘Civil Enforcement Officers’ (CEOs),
• DVLA Officers and/or their 3rd Party Agents,
• ‘Police Community Support Officers’ (PCSOs),
• ‘Private Revenue Collection Officers’ (PRCOs),
• ‘Traffic Wardens’

who film, photograph or attach anything to this private conveyance, including but NOT limited to;

• ‘Parking Notices’,
• ‘Penalty Charge Notices’ (PCNs) &
• ‘Wheel Clamps’

for the purposes of generating revenue will thereby be entering into a contract with us therein agreeing to the term & conditions of said contract including but NOT limited to; The Fee Schedule as detailed herein;

1. You agree to pay £666 (six hundred and sixty six) for each notice that is attached / issued to this private conveyance *.
2. You agree to pay £666 (six hundred and sixty six) for each image / photograph that you take of this private conveyance *.
3. If you clamp this private conveyance you thereby agree to pay £666 (six hundred and sixty six) per hour or part thereof until the clamp is removed *.
4. If you move, relocate or tow this private conveyance you thereby agree to pay £666 (six hundred and sixty six) per hour or part thereof until the private conveyance is returned to me, it’s lawful owner *.

* In addition to items 1, 2, 3 & 4 you are liable without limitation for any damage to this private conveyance. It is a punishable Common Law Offence to cause harm, injury or loss to another human &/or their property.